I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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