you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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