Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
