I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
