I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
