After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
