he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
