My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
