He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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