I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
