Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
