im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Couch. On fire.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
