Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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