It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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