after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i believe in u and ur pee
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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