How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
