'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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