if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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