you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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