Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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