I am puke
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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