no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
