What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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