So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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