I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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