and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
