You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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