first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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