got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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