The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
