Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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