Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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