I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
