He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
