u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
