That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
