And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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