I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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