I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
