a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
