I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
