I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
