am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
