if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
