i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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