Only a mothe r could love this liver
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
