I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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