You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
