I didn't shave. On purpose
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
