this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
