I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
