I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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