so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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