Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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