If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
