So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
