By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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