Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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