i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
