after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
