I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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