Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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