You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
