why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
