Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
