Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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