That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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