Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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