You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i now understand why vodka
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
