White coat. Heels.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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