You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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