I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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