Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
