My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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