So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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