idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
