is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
