and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
